I Guess I’ve Changed

There are a lot of things

that I’ve never told anyone,

Things,

that I’ve always

spent whole nights pondering about

 

Things like

little boys in tattered clothes,

clutching stacks of newspaper in their armpits

trudging shoeless, along cars in the traffic light

their gaze raises an expression of expectation

towards grown-ups in the driver’s seat

who waves their hand in rejection,

And then the little boy would move on,

Understandingly

towards the next one, the next hour

The next day

 

About how

Grown-ups, in reality

are only little kids,

distorted by responsibilities

 

About how

people can love,

but at the same time,

hate others so begrudgingly

 

Or maybe

about why I’ve never been able

to show my weakness to anyone

Including myself

 

My mind is a sea

Where waves of feelings collide with each other

each time bringing about a temporary stillness

before it gives way,

to currents that rise again,

in an endless, turbulent iteration

 

And if in the end

the visitor that knocks on your mind,

when you eventually see me

Is not someone that you’d expect

And a sense of rejection and doubt

creeps into your mind

 

Then I’d understand

because I’ve always tried to understand

And then I’d guess

That I Really Have Changed

 

 

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